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2 Samuel 13:1-39

“The wages of sin is death.” We know that from Romans 6. Sin has consequences. And far-reaching sin has far-reaching consequences. The source of David’s sin with Bathsheba was the lust in his heart. He fed his sexual desire in an unhealthy way. This was not its only expression. He had 8 wives and at least 10 concubines. His son Solomon would go well beyond that with 700 wives and 300 concubines. Their power gave these men access to many women, and they took what they wanted. So David’s problem was bigger than Bathsheba. He took what he thought he deserved as king, and that attitude led him away from God.

Turning away from God always results in loss of some kind. When David sinned with Bathsheba he lost his intimacy with God. It started when he allowed himself to become lazy and not go out with his army. When discipline starts to slip in one area the slide has a tendency to extend to other areas. David decided to take it easy, and he became soft. He lost his vital connection with God and became susceptible to his lust, his own selfish desire.

Following God requires self-discipline. This applies to us as well. We need to be willing to do hard things and not just take the easy, comfortable way. For example, why read the Bible every day? To learn more about God, yes, but even more importantly it is a spiritual discipline that will impact our entire lives. If we do it even when we do not feel like it, there is inherent value in that. God may not speak to us through his word every day, but the discipline of consistently giving him that opportunity will help keep our hearts in the right place. Discipline in one area leads to discipline in other areas; just as laziness in one area will creep into other areas.

One of the challenges of the COVID crisis was that many people found their routines upset. Kids did not have to go to school at a certain time anymore. Working from home did not have as much of a schedule. There are fewer social commitments, so for many people it has been easy to become lazy and less productive. However, establishing and maintaining new routines and staying on track with responsibilities has been as important as ever, even if it has taken more effort.

David had slipped up with his self-discipline. Since he was king, there was no one to tell him what to do or to keep him from taking what he wanted. He needed to have God controlling his life, but he had neglected that relationship. So when he saw Bathsheba he took her, despite the fact that she was Uriah’s wife. Was it a consensual relationship? We don’t know – but it doesn’t matter, given the huge power differential. It would have been almost impossible for Bathsheba to refuse the king.

The consequences began to extend. The honorable Uriah lost his life as a result of David’s attempt to cover up his sin. Bathsheba lost her baby. David had wanted to disown the child when she got pregnant, trying to get rid of it as a problem by contriving it to be seen as Uriah’s child. However, we read last time that David fasted and prayed for the child’s life after God said through Nathan the prophet that he would die.

The consequences of sin, especially sexual sin, are deeply relational. We might think we can cover it up, but it always affects other people. David’s giving in to lust did not have just the immediate impact that we have seen on Uriah, Bathsheba, and the baby. It affected his whole family. Having multiple children from multiple wives would result in no end of conflict. But more specifically, losing his integrity meant that David lost his ability to speak into his sons’ lives and to give them an example of what it meant to honor women and to not seek their own selfish desires. We will see a terrible consequence of that in our passage for today.

Last Sunday, John took us through the story of Nathan the prophet coming to confront David with his sin. David had thought he was getting away with it. He had been able to take Bathsheba as his wife after getting rid of Uriah. The baby would be his. However, it seems highly unlikely that the scandal would have been a secret in the palace. Joab at least would have been well aware of David’s deceit. But David probably expected the whole situation to blow over – until Nathan appears on the scene with his story of the poor man and his lamb, being exploited by the rich man.

David is irate at the thought of the rich man taking the one precious possession of the poor man. “The cruel, heartless rich man ought to die!” David exclaims, not realizing that he is pronouncing judgement on himself. Nathan responds with may be the most powerful words of condemnation in the whole Bible: “You are that man.” We need to let these words pierce our hearts as well. You are that man. You are that woman. How many times have I despised someone for doing something that I do myself? I have no right to look down on other people when I am so susceptible of sin and failure myself. Jesus said that we need to take the log out of our own eye before we take the speck out of our brother’s. David was blind to his logs of lust and greed and selfish pride. We often are, too.

God identifies the root of David’s sin. He says, “You have despised me.” He had rejected God’s authority. He wanted to decide for himself what was right and wrong, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, when they lusted after the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And this is the cause of so much trouble in our world today. People want to be able to set their own standards of morality, deciding for themselves what is right and what is wrong. This is the original sin.

Through Nathan, God delivers a three-part judgment against David: 1) The sword will never depart from your house. 2) Someone else will sleep with your wives (actually concubines, as it turned out). 3) The son born to you will die. Sadly, these were all fulfilled. Three of David’s sons would die by the sword. Absalom would sleep with his father’s concubines. And Bathsheba’s baby would die, foreshadowing the death of David’s other son, Jesus. Your son will die, the innocent for the guilty.

David did respond well. In contrast to the way Saul would come up with excuses, David admitted right away that he was guilty as charged: “I have sinned against the Lord.” He grieved for the child before he died. He wept and fasted as a time of catharsis and cleansing. And then after the death of the baby he moved on, not wallowing in self-pity. This was evidence of his faith. By the end of the chapter he was out with his army again, doing what kings are supposed to do.

So now we come at last to chapter 13, the heartbreaking story of Tamar being raped by her brother Amnon. The lust of David is reflected in the heart of his son.

In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.

Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. – 2 Samuel 13:1-2

Amnon and Absalom had different mothers, so Tamar was actually Amnon’s half-sister. Leviticus 18 would forbid a marriage between them, but we have already seen how the Mosaic law was being only selectively applied in Israel during this time. David had already tried to pretend that as king he was above the law of God. Amnon, as his eldest son and heir apparent to the throne, was probably anticipating the day when he would have absolute power.

It was hardly true love that Amnon felt for Tamar. He had no real concern for her welfare. What he felt was lust that turned into an unhealthy obsession. David should have been responsible for protecting his unmarried daughter, but we can see this as another failure in the way he cared for his family. However, initially at least, Amnon feared the repercussions of a relationship with his half-sister.

Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?”

Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

“Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.” – 2 Samuel 13:3-6

It is not clear why Amnon’s cousin Jonadab would have given him this advice. He must have realized the potential for the situation to get out of hand. Perhaps he thought that if the king were part of bringing Amnon and Tamar together that David would be complicit in whatever happened.

One of the very sad aspects of this story is that none of these three men involved had any real concern for Tamar. Women were under the control of men and did not have the same rights. In many cases they were treated like property rather than God’s image bearers with the same value as men. The “one flesh” ideal of Genesis 2 was lost when men began pursuing multiple sexual relationships. Men generally felt free to exert their power over women, which regularly demeaned them.

David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.” So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat.

“Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”

“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. – 2 Samuel 13:7-14

David appears weak in this situation. He gives in to the desires of his son, without much regard for his daughter. Tamar is trapped. Amnon refuses to listen to her desperate appeals to his honor or compassion. He is too used to getting his own way and not suffering any consequences for his actions.

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

“No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.” So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. – 2 Samuel 13:15-19

Lust is much closer to hatred than to love. Lust wants to use and discard rather than cherish and nurture. Lust is impossible to fully gratify, no matter how hard people try. The hatred of Amnon, therefore, seems inevitable. If Tamar had escaped he would have hated her. But forcing her also exploded his fantasy. What he had dreamed of so long would never be. The kind of love that he longed for he would never be able to experience. So Tamar instantly became an intolerable sign of what he could never have.

He does not care that he has effectively destroyed her. As selfish as ever, he does not allow her to at least have some semblance of a life with him and chance for a family of her own. There are still cultures in the world where if an unmarried woman is raped she is forced to marry her rapist. The alternative would be a life of destitution. I believe God weeps at the suffering of such women. With no prospect of marriage now, Tamar must feel almost as good as dead. She goes into mourning and despair.

Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.

When King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. – 2 Samuel 13:20-22

Absalom realizes what has happened to her. He offers some hollow words of comfort and appears to be more concerned about the family honor than about the trauma to his sister. The harsh reality is that Tamar has no future, and this is the last that we hear of her.

David is furious, but he does nothing. He probably feels partly to blame. Once again he appears weak when it comes to dealing with his children. Absalom also does nothing. He does not attempt to pressure Amnon to marry Tamar. But he does begin planning his revenge, probably more to regain his own honor than that of his sister.

Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there. Absalom went to the king and said, “Your servant has had shearers come. Will the king and his attendants please join me?”

“No, my son,” the king replied. “All of us should not go; we would only be a burden to you.” Although Absalom urged him, he still refused to go but gave him his blessing.

Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon come with us.”

The king asked him, “Why should he go with you?”  But Absalom urged him, so he sent with him Amnon and the rest of the king’s sons. – 2 Samuel 13:23-27

Once again, we see the weakness of David in allowing himself to be pushed around by one of his sons. Absalom politely invites his father to his celebration, probably expecting him to refuse. Absalom repeats the invitation, being extra polite, which makes it more difficult for David to refuse for Amnon to attend. He knew that his sons did not get along, but he seems powerless to do anything about it. He could rule the country, but he could not rule his own family.

Sheep shearing in the Old Testament was a time for gathering together and celebration lubricated by wine. For that reason, it is associated with the settling of scores. There are several examples. In Genesis 31, Jacob waited until Laban was distracted by sheep-shearing to make his escape with Rachel and Leah to return to his father Isaac. In Genesis 38, a different Tamar, who had also been wronged, seduced her father-in-law Judah as he was on his way to attend to the shearing of his sheep. So this Tamar thereby became an ancestor of David. In 1 Samuel 25, when David was on the run from Saul, he appealed to Nabal for help at sheep-shearing time. When Nabal insulted him David was only prevented from destroying Nabal’s family by the wise and gentle intervention of Nabal’s wife Abigail, whom David also married after her husband was struck down by the Lord. Now we have Absalom using a drunken celebration at sheep-shearing time to take his revenge on Amnon.

Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled.

While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.” The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.

But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar.  My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.”

 Meanwhile, Absalom had fled. – 2 Samuel 13:28-34

Jonadab, as Absalom’s confidant, must have known about the plot beforehand. So he is able to reassure David that Absalom only planned to kill Amnon. However, David must have had some inkling of the rivalry between his sons. He knew that Absalom was hot-headed and ambitious. But again he appears weak in his response.

Now the man standing watch looked up and saw many people on the road west of him, coming down the side of the hill. The watchman went and told the king, “I see men in the direction of Horonaim, on the side of the hill.”

Jonadab said to the king, “See, the king’s sons have come; it has happened just as your servant said.”

As he finished speaking, the king’s sons came in, wailing loudly. The king, too, and all his attendants wept very bitterly.

Absalom fled and went to Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. But King David mourned many days for his son.

After Absalom fled and went to Geshur, he stayed there three years. And King David longed to go to Absalom, for he was consoled concerning Amnon’s death. – 2 Samuel 13:34-39

The king of Geshur was Absalom’s maternal grandfather. David had married Maacah the daughter of Talmai probably as a strategic alliance with this kingdom just to the northeast of David’s domain. So Absalom stayed with these relatives for three years. David mourned for both of his sons: Amnon, who was dead, and Absalom, who was on the run. David loved his sons, but he was clearly ineffective at holding them accountable. Because of this, Absalom will bring him much more grief, as we will see in subsequent chapters.

So what can be our takeaways from this tragic story? As I mentioned at the beginning, turning from God always results in loss, as the impact ripples out to other people. David lost his intimacy with God. He lost the respect of his sons and his authority to speak into their lives. And he lost some of his sons to violent deaths. Uriah lost his life. Bathsheba lost her husband and her baby son. Amnon lost his fantasy and then his life. Tamar lost all hope for her future. Absalom lost his innocence in killing his brother. And the ripples will continue to spread through the rest of 2 Samuel and beyond.

This sad saga is a stark reminder that our kids need their own faith. Despite his failings, David was a man after God’s own heart. But none of his sons were. Even Solomon his successor, blessed with great wisdom by God, did not have the same passion for the Lord that David did.

Thirdly, sexual sin has a huge relational impact. Having multiple wives and concubines was never God’s ideal. Not only did women end up being devalued, but many families ended up in conflict. And sexual violence such as that committed by Amnon against Tamar is devastating to everyone involved, especially the women hurt and shamed.

Lastly, there is hope. This was quite a dark time in David’s life, but there is still evidence that God’s eternal purposes would not be thwarted. Human failures disappoint but do not deter God. When Solomon was born to David and Bathsheba, it says that the Lord loved him and gave him the name Jedidiah. You may recall God’s promise to David back in chapter 7:

When your days are over and you rest with your ancestors, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, your own flesh and blood, and I will establish his kingdom.  He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. – 2 Samuel 7:12-13

The near-term fulfillment was in Solomon, who did build the temple, but the eternal kingdom is only fulfilled in Jesus, also called the Son of David, who has redeemed the world to himself and who builds his temple in each of us. Loss is countered by redemption, as God’s grace covers over sin. Jesus was born into all the messiness of human existence. But he is the Redeemer, the perfect sacrifice for sin. He is called the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, who says in Revelation 21, “Behold, I am making everything new.” This is our hope, too, in times of distress and uncertainty.

I would like to pray for us, but then here at the end I would like to give all the women listening to this message a chance to comment on this story of Tamar and Amnon. Emma pointed out that the way this story is written is actually honoring to Tamar in that it gives her a voice. She is not a nameless, silent victim but is a real person who wants to show respect to her father and brothers and tries to defend herself with integrity. Domestic violence and sexual abuse are significant issues in our society, and unfortunately the church has not always responded adequately. So after my prayer, if anyone would like to share any thoughts from a woman’s perspective, please go ahead.