Why Do I Feel Distant? Intimacy in Christ

Good morning everyone!  We are at week eight in our twelve week series “In Christ, With Christ, and For Christ: Our Identity, Belonging and Purpose.”  The format of this series is to consider a variety of questions related to God and our relationship with Him.  The bible is our guide, of course, and we will continue to explore what

it says in answer to each of these questions.
 
Last week, Tim shared on our belonging to one another in Christ.  Today’s message seeks to answer the question, “Why do I feel distant?”  Phrased differently, it could read, “Why don’t I feel like I belong?”  The underlying topic is our intimacy in Christ, and with Christ.
 
I think it is implied in the question, but just to be clear, it is not good to be separate from the body of Christ.  Multiple bible passages encourage us to be united together.  Tim also pointed out that when we aren’t united we are vulnerable.  “We are vulnerable when we are alone and isolated. We need each other. Participating in the body of Christ helps keep us all on track, as we exhort each other with the truth of who Jesus is and what He has taught us.”
 
Based on Scripture and my own experience and observations, here is an incomplete list of reasons why we feel distant from one another.
 
1.    Sin, our own and/or the sin of others
2.    Being disconnected from the Holy Spirit
3.    Not going through the (spiritual) motions
4.    Being on a different path from others
5.    Thinking more of ourselves than we should
6.    Thinking less of ourselves than we should
7.    Bearing burdens that aren’t ours to bear
8.    We don’t believe God that … The things that unite us are much stronger than any that try to separate us.
 
As we weave in and out of these points, one common thread that may seem counterintuitive is that our fellowship with the Lord is going to play a prominent role in our feelings toward one another.  It is important to consider that we are part of the body of Christ.  Jesus is the head of the body.  It is possible for a hand to be connected to an arm without being connected to the head, but that’s a gruesome image.  Likewise, a hand connected to the head without an arm is bizarre.  So, it’s a both-and deal.  We belong to the body of Christ and as such we have relationship with Jesus Christ our head and with one another.  You can’t have one without the other unless perhaps you were stranded on a desert island by yourself.  Anyone stranded on a desert island?  No, okay.  Let’s pray and dive into these points.
 
Father God, lead us carefully through this topic today.  Life is difficult when we feel separated from our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Help us to see opportunities to be united together in You.  We ask in Jesus’ Name, Amen.
 
Our first point is the obvious one, and you might argue that some of the subsequent points could be subpoints under this one.  So, let’s cover it right out of the gate.
 
1.    Sin, our own and/or the sin of others
 
We know that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that’s Romans 3:23.  Just a few chapters later, Romans 6:23 says that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.  Galatians 2:20 tells what happens when we have accepted this gift of God and asked Jesus to save us …
 
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20
 
In this new life that we have, we are called to be holy as God is holy. (I Peter 1:15-16) This is an impossible task apart from the continuous work of God in us.  And yet, if we allow God to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9), and we continue to walk in the light as He is in the light, we will have fellowship with one another.
 
If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. – I John 1:7
 
Proverbs 3:32 gives us this word about fellowship and intimacy with the Lord in connection with purity and holiness.
 
The LORD is intimate [H5475] with the upright. – Proverbs 3:32 NAS
 
In contrast to these promises, scripture is clear that sin separates. – Isaiah 59:2 says,
 
Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.  But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. – Isaiah 59:2
 
Likewise, there are multiple passages that instruct us to turn from sin.  These passages are clearly written to churches, to bodies of believers, like Colossians 3.
 
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.  Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.  You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.  But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.  Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. – Colossians 3:5-10
 
Thinking about getting rid of wrong attitudes and actions, I heard an interesting  quote this week.  The speaker was talking about Joseph and how he fled from Potiphar’s wife.  Rather than sin, Joseph ran away.  John Stonestreet then said, “Geography has a lot to do with morality, I think, sometimes where you find yourself in the opportunities that you have.”  We each have to evaluate the things that we are involved in, and sometimes we need to make the decision to walk away from some things because of where they position us in our thinking and in our actions.
 
Our relationships and intimacy can also be damaged when other people sin against us.  There are serious sin situations where separation is necessary for protection.  Thankfully, most situations we face where others have wronged us are not in that category.  In addition to staying away from sin ourselves, we are also exhorted to …
 
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. – Colossians 3:13-14
 
I acknowledge that this is not the easiest thing to do, but it is what we have been called to.  Our forgiveness of others should look like the Lord’s forgiveness of us.  In case you need another example, how about II Corinthians 13:11 …
 
Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. – II Corinthians 13:11
 
Let us forgive, strive for restoration and encourage one another.  And, going to our second point.  Why else do we feel distant?
 
2.    Being disconnected from the Holy Spirit
 
Last year, we completed a series on the book of Ezekiel.  There in chapter 39 (just before the part about the new temple), God explains why the people of Israel had to go into exile.  “I dealt with them according to their uncleanness and their offenses, and I hid my face from them.” (39:24) But then, He reveals that He will have compassion and restore Israel.  He concludes by saying …
 
I will no longer hide my face from them, for I will pour out my Spirit on the people of Israel, declares the Sovereign LORD. – Ezekiel 39:29
 
God has indeed sent us His Spirit.  Jesus said,
 
If you love me, keep my commands.  And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate [Helper or Comforter] to help you and be with you forever--the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him, for He lives with you and will be in you. – John 14:15-17
 
The Holy Spirit does a great many things, but one of the key things is to bear fruit within us.  And that fruit is the kind of thing that would allow us to have deep relationships.
 
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. … Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. – Galatians 5:22-23, 25
 
If we don’t have these attributes, it will be difficult to maintain close relationships with one another and with Christ.
 
Just as you see there, it seems that there is responsibility on our part to “keep in step with the Spirit.”  Ephesians 5:18 tells us to “be filled with the Spirit.”  Again, there is a sense of accepting the filling of the Spirit.  Bill Bright wrote a tract for Cru years ago called The Spirit-filled Life that had a profound impact on me as a new believer.  In it, he talked about being filled with the Spirit.  There’s not really anything we do to be filled by the Spirit except ask God to do it.  Then, he followed that thought up with the neat idea that God answers our prayers when we pray according to His will.  Well, if He tells us to be filled, and we pray that He would fill us, then He’s bound to answer because it is in accordance with His will.  Ask and you shall receive. (Matthew 7:7, 21:22)
 
3.    Not going through the (spiritual) motions
 
I struggled with how to name this one.  I know it kind of has a derogatory feel to it, but I kind of wanted it to be that way.  My other option was to say, “Choosing not to meet the ‘obligations of God.’ ”  I’ve been reading the Amplified translation of the bible in Numbers in the Old Testament account of Israel in the wilderness.  At the end of chapter 9, it talks about how the cloud of God was over the Tabernacle and how when it lifted, they would move out.  Verse 23 says this …
 
At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they journeyed on; they kept their obligation to the Lord, in accordance with the command of the Lord through Moses. – Numbers 9:23
 
That is from the amplified translation.  The thing that caught my eye was the phrase, “they kept their obligation to the Lord.”  The NIV says they obeyed the Lord’s order which is certainly a valid translation.  It’s just that for me, the words “they kept their obligation to the Lord” caused me to think of all the Lord had done for the people of Israel up to that point.  How He had delivered them from Egypt and protected them from Pharaoh and his army, how He had provided for them in the desert.  In many ways, Israel was obligated to the Lord, but obligations aren’t always kept.
 
I’ve talked several times about my Aunt Joan and how she was a blessing in our family’s life.  But if I’m honest, it wasn’t always easy to stop and visit with her.  In the earlier times that we visited my Aunt, it was often out of a sense of obligation to my mother.  Interestingly, honoring my mom in that way became a blessing to our entire family.  The older I get, it seems the more often I realize that times when I honored my father and mother have become unexpected blessings.  Children, listen to an old man, honor your father and mother, it will bless them and you.  Try it, you’ll see.  I tell that story because when we “meet our obligations to the Lord” we too will be blessed even if we don’t see it at first.
 
I liked this simple quote from Kristi Bolt, “God is always reliable, but your fickle feelings aren’t.”  Even though we don’t always feel like spending time with God, He is waiting for us.
 
In John 5, Jesus explained to the Jewish leaders how Old Testament scriptures testified to who Jesus was.  In spite of that, Jesus observed, “Yet, you refuse to come to me to have life.” (5:40) Let us not make that mistake and refuse to come to Him.
 
The benefits of connecting with God and obeying His commands are many.  Here are a few examples:
 
I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. – Psalm 34:4
 
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. – Psalm 91:1
 
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! … Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:4, 6-7
 
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea. – Isaiah 48:18
 
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. – Colossians 3:15
 
I don’t have time to go into all these point by point, but if we feel distant from one another, I would encourage you to consider whether you are spending time with the Lord in worship and prayer.  Are you seeking to obey His commands day by day?
 
4.    Being on a different path from others (Job’s situation, David’s situation)
 
So in the first three points, I feel like there is this expectation that we can “do something” about our feelings of distance.  This point is a lot more about the circumstances God has placed us in.
 
Jesus told the disciples he was on the path to the cross, and Peter confronted and even rebuked Him.  In most cases, I think we would side with Peter if we knew that the course of action that our friend or our mentor or our leader or our brother was taking would lead to His suffering much less His death.  But Jesus was on a different path than what Peter thought was best.  The distance Jesus must have felt from Peter particularly in that moment and other moments like in the Garden of Gethsemane was related to the path He was on.  It was incredibly difficult, but those closest to Jesus weren’t able to come alongside Him in His most challenging moments.
 
We can also think about Job.  Job was a prosperous family man.  And in a matter of one day, he lost all his wealth and all his children.  Later, he lost his own health being afflicted with painful sores from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.  To make matters worse, in the midst of his personal suffering, he said, “All my intimate [H5475] friends detest me; those I love have turned against me.” (19:19) Then later, he cried out, “Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate [H5475] friendship blessed my house.” (29:4)
 
Job’s friends and even his wife gave him all sorts of discouragement and bad counsel.  Job even followed through on the “spiritual” motions, I mentioned in the previous point.  And although Job sought God, he lamented, “But if I go to the east, [God] is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find Him. When He is at work in the north, I do not see Him; when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him.” (23:8-9)
 
Job felt distance in his relationships because of his circumstances, things that his friends just couldn’t and possibly didn’t want to understand.
 
We still have a good bit of ground to cover today, so I will only touch briefly on David, but he too went through fantastic trials.  He was pursued by King Saul.  He was betrayed by good friends on multiple occasions.  In the midst of all that, David struggled in His relationship with God.  In Psalm 13:1, he said, “How long, LORD?  Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?”  He said similar things also in Psalm 27:9, Psalm 30:7, and Psalm 143:7 to mention a few.  In spite of the hurts he faced and the distance he felt from God, David did not lose faith in the Lord.  Psalm 13 closes …
 
But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.  I will sing the LORD’s praise, for He has been good to me. – Psalm 13:6
 
Amazing, but this is what we must endeavor to do in the midst of trials, even when we feel misunderstood.  Or, it is what we must endeavor to do when it is impossible for those around us to understand what we are going through.
 
We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. – Romans 5:3-5
 
Although it is incredibly difficult at the time, our experiences create character and hope that allow us to help others in the future.  And, in the midst of the hard times, take comfort in the Psalms knowing that you are not alone in going through tough times.
 
5.    Thinking more of ourselves than we should
 
I’ll touch on this point briefly.  We can create distance to others when we think more highly of ourselves than we should.  Humility is an important attribute.  Philippians 2 exhorts us to consider others better than ourselves, and furthermore, we should look not only to our own interests but the interests of others.  There, we are given Jesus as our example who “made Himself nothing.” (2:7) And, it plainly says our “attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” (2:5)
 
This is a bit more targeted, but whatever amount of wealth we have, in comparison to most of the people in the rest of the world, we are rich.  Paul charged Timothy to give this message to the wealthy in his congregations.
 
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.  Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. – I Timothy 6:17-19
 
If you bless others, you will be blessed. 
 
A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. – Proverbs 11:25
 
6.    Thinking less of ourselves than we should (Believing we are inadequate and unworthy)
 
Why do we feel distance from other believers?  Sometimes we feel unworthy or inadequate or guilty.
 
I saw this Far Side comic this week, and it just seemed to fit with this message. 

The way it struck me in the context of this message is probably not how Gary Larson was thinking about it when he first drew it.  At the very beginning of the message, I mentioned Romans 3:23 which explains that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Apart from God, I think we’re all more like wolves or dogs than sheep.  When we commit the deeds of the flesh (Galatians 5:19), we look and feel like wolves rather than sheep.  But we’ve been given new life.  We’re not wolves any more.  We need to turn from those things, and trust in Christ’s all sufficient work to save and cleanse us.  Romans 8:34-39 says …
 
Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. –  Romans 8:34-39
 
You are not condemned.  We have new life in Christ.  His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
 
7.    Bearing burdens that aren’t ours to bear
 
We already looked at Colossians 3:13 which tells us to bear with one another.  Last week, Tim shared Ephesians 4:2 which also exhorts us to bear with one another in love.  Galatians 6:2 says we should carry one another’s burdens, so surely there are no burdens that we shouldn’t bear are there?
 
Jesus said in Matthew 11 …
 
Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. – Matthew 11:28-30
 
I had a promotional email this week which I often do not read.  This one was about a devotional by Shaunti Feldhahn entitled Find Rest.  The email included this quote, “When Jesus says that a key way to find rest is to ‘Take my yoke upon you,’ He is gently rebuking us for taking on burdens that we were not meant to carry, and instead telling us to take on those purposes that He has created…”
 
What should you do if you feel especially weighed down by something?  It would be good to share that with someone and ask for counsel on how to handle the situation.  If we don’t open up and address the concern, it can also cause us to feel distant to others.
 
8.    We don’t believe God that … The things that unite us are much stronger than any that try to separate us.
 
Okay, so I pretty much took this one straight from Tim’s message last week.  But, it fits so well and deserves to be reiterated.  Tim explained, “The grace that has covered our sins needs to overflow from us to cover the ways others have offended us. There is one body, Spirit, and hope.”  We have to believe that is possible in order to experience it.
 
Relationships are going to have friction.  People are going to have disagreements.  We are even going to hurt one another from time to time.  James 3:2 says it succinctly, “We all stumble in many ways.”
 
Jesus told us in John 16, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (16:33)  He didn’t say that we wouldn’t have trouble, but that He has overcome the world and its fallenness, the source of trouble.
 
Psalm 112:7 says, “They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”  As we trust in the Lord, we will have no (or reduced) fear of our circumstances.  Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.”
 
In closing, our opportunity to reduce distances is to continue to love one another while trusting the Lord’s plan for us, His disciples.  This is the mark that Jesus said would distinguish his disciples to the world.  It can be hard at times, but let us believe the best about our fellow saints.  We can trust God that He is working out all things to the good of those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) Let’s pray.
 
Lord Jesus, teach us how to love one another as You have loved us.  Glorify Your Name through this body of believers and other believers that are connected with these saints.  We pray in Jesus Name, Amen.