True Love

1 Corinthians 13:5-6

I would like to open to the book of Dabo chapter 35 verse 31. And Dabo saith, “Let the light inside of you shine brighter than the light shining on you.”

Now for our real passage, I Corinthians 13:5-6:

[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Paul isn’t saying that we need to follow these rules in order to complete the task of loving others. He’s just showing that the foundational reason for exercising spiritual gifts is to love others. Love is more difficult and less “shiny” than the brand new spiritual gifts that the Corinthian believers were experiencing. I don’t think the list in 1 Corinthians 13 is an exhaustive list of what love is. Paul is listing qualities of love that were in contrast to the way the church in Corinth was exercising their spiritual gifts. Apparently, they had been rude, self-seeking, easily angered, etc.

This chapter on love is sandwiched in between Paul’s conversations on how the Corinthians were just building themselves up and not building up each other. He reminded them that each of them were part of a body, not just a foot or hand by themselves. He brought up how they were being disorderly in their church meetings because they were interrupting each other while prophesying. It is easy to make excuses for unloving behavior, but those excuses don’t make the behavior right.  Earlier in I Corinthians, Paul was using the church’s drunkenness as an example of their lack of thoughtfulness toward the other believers.

When you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat, for as you eat, each of you goes ahead without waiting for anybody else. One remains hungry, another gets drunk. –I Corinthians 11:21

The Corinthian believers weren’t concerned that their actions may be have been offensive to others. A couple of chapters later when Paul talks about love, rudeness is (unsurprisingly) on the list of things that love is not. Sometimes it is hard for us to see when and why we aren’t being loving. This morning I want to talk about some of the reasons we might struggle with being rude, self-seeking, being easily angered, keeping records of wrongs, and delighting in evil and not rejoicing in the truth.

[Love] is not rude…

1. We don’t see ourselves as rude. Miriam is really funny when she puts earphones on to watch something on the computer. She cracks me up. Whenever she talks to me she is almost yelling because she’s trying to talk over the noise that’s coming out of the earphones. For the person who is being rude, they may not realize that their tone of voice, their body language, or their words are offensive. They’re just used to the way they sound, the way they look, and their choice of words. They may think they’re speaking in a “normal” voice when actually they’re yelling.

2. We think that the world revolves around us. If we don’t get what we want then what is our reaction? If we try to bring others down, then we haven’t dealt with our disappointment properly. I used to do this, and some of my problem stemmed from the disappointment I experienced with my dad. It took years, even after I graduated from college, to realize that I was not dealing with disappointment in an appropriate way. Putting it another way, what two words do little children love to say repeatedly as their dad is sitting down trying to watch the news? “Watch me! Watch me!” They instinctively want to be the center of attention.  I’ve had to learn as a farther that the news at that moment is not that important—unless it’s Dabo doing the nene in the locker room ;-).

3. We’ve forgotten who we are in Christ. Insecurity leads to being inconsiderate. People who feel small don’t want others to be bigger than them. If we are a Christian, then we have a new identity because we belong to Christ. The only time Jesus “looked down” on people was when He was on the cross.

…[love] is not self-seeking…

1. We’ve taken our eyes off of Christ. Philippians 2:5 says, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus…” Paul then goes on to explain that Jesus was humble, He was a servant and He showed concern about other people’s interests.  Keeping our eyes on Christ helps to take the focus off of ourselves.

2. We’ve followed the example of the world. It’s hard today to make good friends. Many people are wrapped up in their own world. It’s difficult to take an interest in others when you feel overwhelmed with stuff to do or overwhelmed with stress. Media, peer pressure, etc. can very subtle. Before you even realize it we begin to act like the world does by only being thoughtful of ourselves.

3. We’re insecure. We’ve believed the lie that significance comes from getting rather than giving. Remember, as a coach whose name rhymes with Nabo says… “Don’t buy the lie.”

4. We haven’t grown up emotionally. Paul goes on to say, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” (1 Cor. 13:11). So, what were the “childish ways”? He was saying that not being a loving person was the “childish ways.” You know that a boy is becoming a man when he starts talking in a loving way, starts thinking in a loving way and starts reasoning in a loving way. He’s not a man just because he has facial hair, or because he has a college degree or even because he’s married and has kids. I loved my dad and he did some great things for me. But he didn’t teach me how to talk like a man, think like a man, or reason like a man. God used other people and circumstances in my life to help me grow up emotionally.

…[love] is not easily angered…

1. We think many people owe us something. You might be able to think of guilt as saying “I owe you.” For example, someone may feel guilty because they know they “owe” someone an apology for saying something hurtful. Or they feel guilt because they stole money, therefore, they “owe” the person the money. But with anger, it might be that you feel like someone owes you an apology (or money). Or perhaps you feel like your parents owed you a better childhood, therefore, you feel anger towards them. There are times where I feel agitated because I’m interrupted. This is one area I’ve really had to work on, and please don’t interrupt me because I’m not finished yet ;-).

2. We’ve been impatient with God’s timing. You may want to get rid of a trial...right now. You may want to be married...right now. You may want out of that job...right now. You may want Clemson to win a national championship...oh wait a minute, that’s already happened, never mind.

3. We’re taking out our frustration on others because of the way we’ve been treated by someone else. We’ve all been there. For example, if one spouse is irritating to the other spouse, the one that’s irritated may take out their wrath on the children.

4. We’ve used Microsoft Word too many times. Do I need to say more? ;-)

…[love] keeps no record of wrongs…

“Do you remember the story about the man who was bitten by a dog? When he learned the dog had rabies, he began making a list. The doctor told him there was no need to make a will, that rabies could be cured. ‘Oh, I’m not making a will,’ he replied. ‘I’m making a list of all the people I want to bite.’” (Max Lucado, The Lucado Life Lessons Study Bible)

1. We haven’t actually resolved in our hearts to forgive and love someone. In Daniel 1:8, Daniel had come to what seemed like a fork in the road. The passage says, “But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine…”  Daniel “resolved” (NIV), or “purposed” (KJV), or “determined” (NLT) to not enter into what he considered to be sin. But the way this passage is worded makes me think that he had actually made up his mind before that instance of temptation. In other words, he didn’t wait to the last second to make up his mind. He knew what he was going to do before the temptation ever came. I guess you can say that Daniel lived out the saying “Bring Your Own Guts.” When it comes to forgiveness, God wants us to make up our minds that we will forgive before we hit the fork-in-the-road, where we have to choose to forgive or not to forgive. A lack of obedience to God is the root of the problem. The fruit is sometimes shown by thinking, “I’ll forgive them whenever they (fill in the blank).” In this case we haven’t resolved to forgive, rather we’re waiting for them to take the first step towards us.

2. We’ve forgotten how sinful we are/were and how much God has forgiven us. 2 Peter 1:9: “But if anyone does not have [brotherly kindness, love, etc.] he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.” We sometimes have trouble loving the one who has offended us because we have forgotten that we have been cleansed from our past sins.

3. We think that God is a record keeper. We believe that He is keeping a precise account of all the wrongs we have done just so he can have plenty of ammo when He vents His anger. Our understanding of what God is like will affect how we treat others. If we see God as merciful and forgiving then we’ll be able to love people like God loves people. We’re actually commanded to love our brothers and sisters in Christ the way God loves them: “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” (John 15:12)

4. We haven’t lovingly communicated with the person at the time of the offense. At the time of the offense we might need to ask them to clarify what they meant, or we might need to explain how we felt when they said (fill in the blank). If anger is like a gun, then the bullets are the offenses of others that we fire back at them.

We have a friend that was a student at UNC Wilmington. He was probably the most forgetful person I’ve ever met. He would forget about meetings, forget about things he was supposed to bring to the meetings and forget about people he met at the meetings. He was plagued with forgetful-itis. But the one thing he didn’t struggle with was bitterness. If anyone offended him, he would forget about it. His forgetfulness turned into a blessing. He still cracks me up to this day (but I can’t seem to remember his name…).

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1. We’ve believed the lie that God’s truth is not the best option. Again, as Dabo would say, “Don’t buy the lie.” If God says in the Bible that it’s wrong to do a certain thing, then if we do that certain thing, we’ve communicated, through our actions, that we don’t think God’s will is the best route to take. And if we approve and celebrate the sinful actions of others then we’re delighting in evil and not rejoicing in the truth. We would be leading these people astray, letting them think that what they’re doing is ok. But, in reality, they’re storing up God’s wrath for them on the Day of Judgment.

2. We think revenge is a necessary right. On the news I saw a “study” that showed that it was a good thing to take revenge on someone who hurt you. They commented that revenge generated positive feelings inside the person who was offended. I don’t doubt that our flesh feels empowered after taking revenge. Our flesh takes delight in revenge. It can be exhilarating, like some kind-of chemicals produced from an addiction. If you don’t take revenge the people of this world will think you’re strange. We think we have the right to even the score.

Speaking of score...I just looked at the clock and realized that I need to finish up with my sermon. I only have one second left…