Sunday, July 31, 2016

Marriage and Singleness



I Corinthians 7:1-16
Today we continue our series on broken vessels that have been repaired and made into something beautiful.  Last week Tim's message was on fleeing immorality and lust.  One verse Tim shared was I Corinthians 6:13

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

As I prepared for this message, I looked back to our series in 2009 on seven deadly sins.  During that series I presented a message on lust.  At that time I shared some alarming statistics on sexually transmitted diseases. One of those statistics was that (at the time) 20% --1 out of 5-- United States residents had been infected by one or more sexually transmitted disease (STDs). While preparing the message for today I sought out an update on that 2009 statistic.  What I found was even more alarming.  As of October 2014, 110 million people (that is 33%) in the US were infected with one or more STDs.  So in a period of five years the number went up from 1 out of 5 people being infected to 1 out of every 3 people in the US.  


There are an estimated 20 million new cases of STD infections being reported each year.  The CDC says that today the number of new cases of STDs for the age group between 15 and 25 is greater than 50%.  In other words, more than half of the people in that age group have now or will contract one or more STDs in their lifetime.  Now, this rapid spread of STDs is due solely to sexual promiscuity outside of God’s design.  Scientists know that in this age group a part of the brain is not yet fully developed.  People in this age bracket understand the risk is not in their favor, but they believe it doesn’t apply to them because they believe that they are invincible.  The cerebral cortex of the brain doesn’t fully develop until the age of 26 or 27.  (Hence, the military concentrates its recruitment efforts on the age between 18 and 23 for combat duty positions.)  The CDC also says that the risk of contracting an STD is zero for a couple who don’t have an STD and who practice abstinence before marriage and who don’t have sexual relations with anyone but their marriage partner after their marriage.

Based on these updated statistics, the topic of immorality and its negative consequences is just as relevant in today’s culture as it was in the Corinthian culture of Paul’s days.  One reason why people today fall into the trap of immorality is that Satan uses the media to project a negative image of virginity.  The media urges you to experience sexual pleasure while you are still young enough to enjoy it.  However, God’s Word holds in high esteem those who have kept themselves sexually pure until marriage.

Genesis 25:20 says, “…and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram.” Isaac did not go out and shop for a wife, and I don’t believe Isaac regretted waiting for God to provide Rebekah to him as the perfect wife for him.

Christine and I were both virgins when we got married.  I was a little over 30 years old then.  We have now been married for a little over 30 years and we don’t regret waiting until marriage to be sexually fulfilled.  Looking back at my singlehood years I don’t think I missed out on anything by waiting for God to bring the right woman into my life.  At the proper time He brought to me a woman whom He personally designed to be both my helpmate and to be my most intimate friend.

In today’s passage, Paul addresses four different groups of Corinthian believers.  He provides an answer in response to a letter containing questions on the topic of marriage and singleness written by one of the Corinthian church leaders.  We will examine Paul’s advice to each of these groups to see how they apply in our culture.

In the first camp were former Corinthian Gentiles that had become Christians, but who believed that singleness was not only the ideal state but the only true godly state.  It is believed by some theological scholars that these single believers were being pressured by some of the married Messianic Jewish believers to adopt a belief in their Jewish tradition that looked on marriage as the ideal state and singleness as direct disobedience to God’s command to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.

The second group was composed of Corinthian believers who were married at one time and were no longer.  They may have been divorced, or their spouse left them, or they became widows or widowers because their spouse had died.

Third were the married Corinthian couples in which both the husband and the wife were believers, but who were experiencing common marital issue with each other.

In the fourth camp were married Corinthians where one spouse was a Christian and the other was not.

So let’s begin with I Corinthians 7:1:

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.  

Another translation says, “It is good for a man not to have physical intimacy with a woman.”  Here Paul affirms the position of the singles in the first camp.  He states that singlehood for the believer is good and should not be looked down upon. This group of believers who desire to remain single should not be intimidated into getting married. 

Paul goes on to address the group of single believers who lack the self-control to maintain the position of singlehood indefinitely:

But since there is so much immorality [or the danger of immorality], each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.—I Corinthians 7:2

Then Paul gives some direction to this group of believers who lack self-control concerning how to avoid Satan’s temptation after they get married.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.—I Corinthians 7:3-6

So Paul is not commanding singles to get married, but as a concession based on the reality that the culture was full of immorality, he acknowledges the Corinthians’ strong passions and gives them the proper guidelines to follow so that they don’t fall into the sin of immorality that was so pervasive in their culture.  He goes on to say:

I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.—I Corinthians 7:7

Here, Paul concedes that not every believer has the gift of celibacy as he does.

Then Paul goes on to address the second camp’s position (the group of believers who were married at one time in the past but are no longer married):

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.—I Corinthians 7:8

Here, Paul acknowledges that the believers that were married in the past and whose spouse left or had died, in his opinion, should stay single (or unmarried).  Once again Paul again acknowledges the Corinthians’ strong passions and gives them the proper guidelines to follow so that they don’t fall into the sin of immorality that was so pervasive in their culture.  Paul goes on to say to this group:

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.—I Corinthians 7:0

Paul’s response to this second group’s position is that it is better for them to marry than for them to continue to burn with passion, because for them not to marry would allow Satan to eventually lead them into the temptation of immorality, and sooner or later they might fall into this sin area.

Next, Paul addresses the third camp’s position where both husband and wife are believers but are experiencing common marital conflicts.

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.—I Corinthians 7:10-11

Here, scholars believe he is specifically addressing the marriage between two believers in Christ. In this case, Paul left no room for getting out of the marriage or remarrying someone else if the believing spouse leaves.  Paul makes it clear that this is God’s command not his own.  This is because God hates divorce and has no provision for His children who made vows to Him to take the path of the world by breaking their vows to Him.  They must work with each other and the Holy Spirit to keep their marriage vows to each other and to God and to keep their marriage strong as a testimony to the unbelieving world.

Now Paul moves on to the fourth and final camp’s position where two unbelievers were married but then one of them heard the Gospel and became a believer in Christ.

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.—I Corinthians 7:12-15

Paul wrote about a similar peace in Romans 12:18 where he says:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

When the unbeliever wants out of a marriage, the peace of the marriage no longer depends on the spouse who became a believer.  Many Christians have tried to keep a marriage together even when the spouse was unbelieving and wanted a divorce.  The believer did this in the hopes that the unbelieving spouse would become a believer.  However, that course appears to be against God’s will according to this passage.  The “let him (or her) leave part” of verse 15 is not an option to be taken or not taken but it is an instruction that is to be obeyed and followed.

How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? –I Corinthians 7:16

The motive of evangelizing the unbelieving spouse is not cause enough to remain in a marriage with an unbeliever, especially if the unbeliever wants out of the marriage.  In this case the believer should put their faith in the Lord to lead the unbelieving spouse to salvation through whomever the Lord desires.  The Lord is totally capable of orchestrating whatever circumstance it will take to eventually allow the unbeliever to get saved if the unbeliever is willing to repent and put their trust in Him.

When an unbelieving spouse does leave, the believing spouse would fall into the second camp and Paul’s instructions to the unmarried and the widower will now apply to them.

Here are four take-aways from today’s message:

1. Sexual promiscuity outside of marriage has serious negative consequences on the individuals, on the family, and on society as a whole as can be seen in today’s culture.

2. A believer who is single should not seek to marry an unbeliever lest they expose themselves and their family to the severe negative consequence of sin (i.e., sexually transmitted diseases and physical abuse, emotional abuse and spiritual suffering and pain).

3. The ideal marriage is between a believing man and a believing woman that have kept themselves pure before marriage and who strive by the power of the Holy Spirit to keep their wedding vows that they made to God until death should part them.

4. If one spouse gets saved but their unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, let the unbelieving spouse leave.  In this case, God has called the believer to peace.

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